Saturday, November 26, 2016

So...Let us start this story...

The holidays are upon us once again and for the first time...I think...I am starting to lose my holiday cheer.  Seriously.  I never thought it would happen to me but life...hard times...kids with their own families...a job I'm not overly thrilled with...and a new husband that I am just not good with...it is all taking me down to bare bones bah humbug.

I love to write and I really have no outlet for my thoughts, emotions, concerns, fears, and yes, a few joys as well.  So here I am, starting over with a new blog, no followers, no plan other than to tell a story.  The world according to Autumn Leaves, pretty much.

I have had blogs in the past, both here and on Word Press, if that is ok to say.  One I wrote in for quite a few years and in fact, just deleted it today.  Why keep it around if I am looking for a do-over?  Story of my life, really.  When the going gets tough, cut and run.  Start over.  Fresh start.  Make the world see a new me.  Lest you think you might try that same life philosophy, let me try to spare you a little bit of pain and expense.  You really can't run away from yourself.  Sigh...alas, truer words never spoken.

So what is wrong with me, according to me?  Well gosh.  You name it.  My mom always told me I am very superficial because looks matter to me.  I can tell you that I was severely bullied for the way I looked while growing up.  The bullying really only lasted for 2/3 of 7th grade, all of 8th grade, and maybe half of my freshman year in high school...but wow!  I was a young girl who grew up to be ashamed of herself for being so hideous looking.  So?  To this day I work really hard on trying to not offend with the way I look.  Could I be one of those secretly photographed Walmart shoppers?  Oy.  I hope not but maybe...?  Anyway, I suppose if that makes me superficial, then I am superficial.  I am intense and passionate.  I have a super soft heart that seems to get stepped on quite a bit.  I am honest.  Animals love me.  Babies usually love me.  I have a good sense of humor and easily laugh at myself...as long as poking fun at me isn't hurtful or mean-spirited.  I am fairly bright but never really found my calling.  It seems I will spend my life struggling financially.  Not good at marketing myself, for sure.  I have been married four times and somehow I screw it up every time.  I have little tolerance for lying, for dirtiness, for addictive personalities, and for bullies that tend to be paranoid (and boy! can I find these guys!).

I usually stand up for what is right, lean toward the conservative side, like to have an occasional drink - usually a glass of wine - but will not touch anything if someone else has an addiction and I am with them.  I don't like to take medications and have no use for pot.  I believe that those that are way smarter than I am knew what they were doing when it was put on controlled substance list.  Watch somebody who uses it and see how they act.  Trust me...I've had my share of over-indulgence when having fun and having a few drinks.  I've made a royal idiot of myself (shame face inserted here) and am mortified to even recall those times.  But I admit it.

I believe that without laws, without values, morals, and ethics, we as humans will decay into anarchy and chaos and selfishness.  Laissez-faire to the extreme.  We're heading down that path, certainly.  Selfishly (ok, we all have those moments), I don't want to be here when it happens.  Scary times.  Parents, it is your job to teach values, morals, and ethics to your kids.  Not the job of the teacher, principal, or the babysitter.  Your job.  What happened to politeness?  Manners?

Ok...I am getting down from my soapbox now.  Also, while I don't have a harp any longer, or the money to buy one...I loved playing.  I love art and occasionally make an effort to paint - usually watercolors.  I knit.  I sew.  I can even weave.  I ride a motorcycle (trying to share my husband's passion) and love the freedom feeling it gives me.  God forbid I hurt myself on it though.

Like all of you, I have my memories, my stories, my beliefs.  My purpose in this blog to hopefully make you laugh, make you think, make you smile, make you wonder...So don't be surprised to see images, maybe some art, some YouTube songs...cause it is the only place I can pull in some romance in my life...